SheSharesTruth:: Learning to choose God.

I have been following the SheReadsTruth community since last summer. I don’t remember how I stumbled upon it, but I’m quite positive that God lead me to it. He knew what I needed, before I really knew what I was needing.

Over the past nine months, I have built on my relationship with God. I have loved chapters of the Bible that I have never read before. (I think James is one of my favorite thus far). I have felt how the presence of God will become a stable foundation in your life, if you only just let him in.

Today is SheSharesTruth on the SheReadsTruth community. (That’s a mouthful). Over the last week and a half we have been reading about how Jesus has shown himself to his disciples, to make them believe that He is the Son of God. For they didn’t understand the scriptures, the plan from the very beginning. That Jesus had to die for our sins, for the scripture to be completed. However, the story doesn’t stop with Jesus’s resurrection, it continues through his disciples, ambassadors, and children to speak to others about this amazing story. This amazing gift that he has given us.

Which brings me to todays topic. Being an ambassador of Christ.

For me it’s a constant struggle. If I look deep into the reasoning of why I coward away–and it is cowardness, I can only think it is because I am worried about what others may think. I have had a few moments recently where I have felt the presence of God telling me to “say something”, but my fear of reactions get the best of me.

For example. I wake up earlier than I need to most days, because I like to have coffee and do my daily devotion before work. I love this time, it is the quiet time with the Lord before the world breaks in, and I also feel like his teachings stay with me throughout the day. I am a better person because of this. However, when asked about it at work, I pick and choose what I say. I tell them that I enjoy getting up having my coffee and reading. Note the difference? Why couldn’t I just say that I read my bible? And here is the honest truth, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of how people’s thoughts about me might change once they find out that I read the bible. People can talk about how they go to Church every Sunday, but once you say you read the Bible everyday their faces just turn into this stunned look.

Even worse,  I have only known these people for about a year. I call them “friends”, because I really haven’t met anyone else besides coworkers. They are good people, but I really shouldn’t care what they think. But in our society, we do. I want to feel excepted, and that apparently means hiding a part of myself.  It’s amazing to me, that people who I barely know influence my thoughts and actions more than myself being an ambassador of Christ. I choose people I barely know, over my One True King who has been loving me since the beginning.

I know there are many others, like me, that want to be better ambassadors of Christ, SheReadsTruth is a excellent example, but why is it that speaking about our faith in real life so hard?


I can only dream that you will continue to grow within me. Build a foundation within me that nothing and no one can knock down. Give me the strength and courage to become a better child of Christ, to help spread the world about your never ending forgiveness, grace, and hope. I pray that you will lead me in the right direction, so that I will find others like me who will embrace my true self. I choose You, over them. It should never have been a competition. Give me the courage to never step back from an opportunity to bring you into the conversation, to express your great love for us.



11.8.11 was my first post on blogger.

I had originally started out with the tagline of “Happiness is Free”, and it is. Sure money can buy you class things and experiences, but having people to share it with is what truly matters. When I started my blog, I had recently graduated from college, moved to the twin cities (where E was living), and started the hunt for a career out of school. This search wasn’t easy, and it usually didn’t come with any responses. I had a big red X painted across my resume, and it was all because I had failed my national boards by one question.

Three years ago, I thought my life was determined by that test. THE test that determined my future, our future. Failing this test wasn’t an option, and the pressure and stress consumed me. My husband had already been out of college for a year, and had landed a job that he loved and close to home. All that was left of the start of our “Happily Ever After”, was me…and that test.

I walked out broken hearted and defeated. I felt like 5 years had been for nothing. I know that this sounds dramatic, but that is THE GOAL. That is the steps that you have to take to get from point A to point B. And just when you think you are getting to point B, the world (or God himself) wants it another way, and it doesn’t go the way you planned.

Plan is a funny word, because can you really plan anything? I imagine sometimes if I would have passed right away, where E and myself would be today. We might still be in the twin cities. We could be living in that house that we were four days away from closing on. We could already have started our family. Sounds nice,right!?

Could. Might. We will never know.

What I do know is that my blog that I started over three years ago, has captured a lot of our moments; whether trial or tribulation. It started when I felt like I was at rock bottom, and takes me through some of my highest moments. I can look back and see personal growth; one of the most important being my confidence. It never left me, but the world can sure kick a girl when she is already down.

I think I started blogging because I wanted to remind myself that happiness doesn’t mean that everything comes easy. Happiness doesn’t mean that you get everything right away, and sometime you don’t even know what truly makes you the happiest. Planning can only go so far, before the world steps in, fate takes place, and Gods plan runs its course.

What am I all about?

Some tidbits about Kota+Coffee

I may have an addiction slight obsession with coffee, and that love is often expressed in my blog. This relationship started when I was in college–had to keep myself warm during those North Dakota winters!–and now its a full on marriage. Til death do us part.

Speaking of North Dakota! That is where my husband and I live–we will call him E on this blog. Wonder why we live here? And “by force” is not the answer. I was born and raised here, and hopefully my blog will bring some light onto the mysterious state of ND. I will answer a few questions though; people do live here, yes we have modern transportation AND believe it or not we have indoor toilets!

We recently moved to a new town roughly a year ago. Bought a new house. Got a puppy. And just trying to figure it all out. I love to blog about our every day life, antics, adventures, struggles, and wishes. And of course this magic all happens with my best friend, coffee my husband. I have to say that right!?

So grab your morning whatever, and come along for the ride. I love to hear from others and read other blogs!

My heart is still smiling.


Almost two years of marriage later, and my heart is still smiling.

So let me tell you about it.

I came home last night from an evening shift at the hospital. Dear husband is finally back home from his 3 days in MN, and had been asleep for a good few hours. None the less, I was more then excited to crawl into bed and know that he was next to me. However, when I walked in to my dark house, my eyes immediately tried to refocus on some new objects in our kitchen and dining room. I started to grin, and did I grin big. The rug that I had found while shopping with my mom, and had shown to him during a brief shopping trip, had magically found itself below our dining room table. Along with three smaller rugs by the doors.

He spoiled me.

But it didn’t end there.

I then found a Caribou Coffee care package on our kitchen counter. It included k-cups, coffee grounds, and a new mug to drink this deliciousness with. (He knows how much I have missed coffee during this lent season.–only 5 more coffee less mornings!)

He also went a bought two wall decorations that I had found from Pier One. I must add that I only described them one time. I even asked him this morning if he was in cahoots with my mom, because how would he ever have picked them out, but he did. And all by himself.

This morning I woke up to cookies from my mother-in-law that he had brought back, and he brought me back chipotle and it was in the fridge. Seriously!?? How did I get so lucky.

This man is my hero, and not just because he bought me a rug, wall décor, food, or coffee. He knew that I was disappointed that I wasn’t able to go with him this past weekend, and instead he brought me back a few of my favorite things. A rug may not be that exciting to you, but it is to me. It helps make this house our home, and I think that’s part of why I was so happy last night. With every piece that comes into this house, it becomes more and more ours. He is my hero because just having him home, makes our home complete, and it makes me complete.

Tired Momma.

Dog momma that is.

Since the husband has been gone since Thursday, its just been me and the animals. And let us not forget my best friend for the weekend, miss bottle of white wine. Thank God I didn’t give up wine for lent.

Let me state that; I love my dog and I love my cat. They have yet to find the love in each other, but that is a whole other story.

So puppy days can be hard. Really hard. We are 5 months old, probably hit the 50 lb mark, and this dog momma can go a little crazy. Because let’s be real, there is only so many times one person can say “no. come. sit. stay. give.”

I hate to admit this, but I fail miserably every so often and immediately regret overreacting at the situation.  I even crawled into bed after freaking out one time because I disliked how I handled the situation. It’s not Kota’s fault, he doesn’t know better. The 50 lbs doesn’t work in his advantage. He looks like a mature dog, but I have to constantly remind myself that he is still a puppy. He’s still learning, and I don’t want him to ever become afraid of me. I would be so heartbroken if it ever came to that.

I recently talked to a coworker about the frustrations and the guilt that the frustrations can bring, and it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who gets stretched thin with patience. We both have different struggles with our dogs, but we are conscious about our reactions and the desire to change how we might react to situations in the future, to not only help ourselves stay sane but to also teach our pups in a more positive way.

Count to 10. Breathe. He only has us. –this is my motto.


What do you do to keep the peace between you and your beloved four-legged friend? I would love to hear that I’m not alone in feeling this way, and maybe try some new techniques as well!

Wandering Together.

We recently moved to a new town in North Dakota, Spring of 2013. It was exciting- new places to go and all new people to meet, and at the same time we were both a little nervous. We spent a few Friday and Saturdays just driving around and getting accustomed to where things were. We wandered inside, as well as outside the city limits  just to see all of its views, surroundings, and offerings.

We didn’t know exactly where we would go, or where we would end up, but it was an adventure. We went on all roads from highways to minimum maintenance roads, just to see where it would take us. We preferred the country to the city, and that’s probably why we now live where we do.

I believe great things happen when you do something abnormal to your normal. You learn more about yourself when you are put in situations where you have never been. You rely on others, and in return grow into a better you. How good does it feel when you conquer something all by yourself, or in our case- as a team. It feels great!

That’s what we have done. We moved to a place where we didn’t know anyone. And slowly but surely we gained our footings. And it feels great to have accomplished all we have in just under a year. Here has become our Home, for the time being that is. We may wander again later.