SheSharesTruth:: Learning to choose God.

I have been following the SheReadsTruth community since last summer. I don’t remember how I stumbled upon it, but I’m quite positive that God lead me to it. He knew what I needed, before I really knew what I was needing.

Over the past nine months, I have built on my relationship with God. I have loved chapters of the Bible that I have never read before. (I think James is one of my favorite thus far). I have felt how the presence of God will become a stable foundation in your life, if you only just let him in.

Today is SheSharesTruth on the SheReadsTruth community. (That’s a mouthful). Over the last week and a half we have been reading about how Jesus has shown himself to his disciples, to make them believe that He is the Son of God. For they didn’t understand the scriptures, the plan from the very beginning. That Jesus had to die for our sins, for the scripture to be completed. However, the story doesn’t stop with Jesus’s resurrection, it continues through his disciples, ambassadors, and children to speak to others about this amazing story. This amazing gift that he has given us.

Which brings me to todays topic. Being an ambassador of Christ.

For me it’s a constant struggle. If I look deep into the reasoning of why I coward away–and it is cowardness, I can only think it is because I am worried about what others may think. I have had a few moments recently where I have felt the presence of God telling me to “say something”, but my fear of reactions get the best of me.

For example. I wake up earlier than I need to most days, because I like to have coffee and do my daily devotion before work. I love this time, it is the quiet time with the Lord before the world breaks in, and I also feel like his teachings stay with me throughout the day. I am a better person because of this. However, when asked about it at work, I pick and choose what I say. I tell them that I enjoy getting up having my coffee and reading. Note the difference? Why couldn’t I just say that I read my bible? And here is the honest truth, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of how people’s thoughts about me might change once they find out that I read the bible. People can talk about how they go to Church every Sunday, but once you say you read the Bible everyday their faces just turn into this stunned look.

Even worse,  I have only known these people for about a year. I call them “friends”, because I really haven’t met anyone else besides coworkers. They are good people, but I really shouldn’t care what they think. But in our society, we do. I want to feel excepted, and that apparently means hiding a part of myself.  It’s amazing to me, that people who I barely know influence my thoughts and actions more than myself being an ambassador of Christ. I choose people I barely know, over my One True King who has been loving me since the beginning.

I know there are many others, like me, that want to be better ambassadors of Christ, SheReadsTruth is a excellent example, but why is it that speaking about our faith in real life so hard?

Lord,

I can only dream that you will continue to grow within me. Build a foundation within me that nothing and no one can knock down. Give me the strength and courage to become a better child of Christ, to help spread the world about your never ending forgiveness, grace, and hope. I pray that you will lead me in the right direction, so that I will find others like me who will embrace my true self. I choose You, over them. It should never have been a competition. Give me the courage to never step back from an opportunity to bring you into the conversation, to express your great love for us.

The Risen King: Day 3

Overnights at work, make for early morning daily devotions. These are my 3AM thoughts.

There is still time to join this study! Head on over to SheReadsTruth to get going.

11.8.11

11.8.11 was my first post on blogger.

I had originally started out with the tagline of “Happiness is Free”, and it is. Sure money can buy you class things and experiences, but having people to share it with is what truly matters. When I started my blog, I had recently graduated from college, moved to the twin cities (where E was living), and started the hunt for a career out of school. This search wasn’t easy, and it usually didn’t come with any responses. I had a big red X painted across my resume, and it was all because I had failed my national boards by one question.

Three years ago, I thought my life was determined by that test. THE test that determined my future, our future. Failing this test wasn’t an option, and the pressure and stress consumed me. My husband had already been out of college for a year, and had landed a job that he loved and close to home. All that was left of the start of our “Happily Ever After”, was me…and that test.

I walked out broken hearted and defeated. I felt like 5 years had been for nothing. I know that this sounds dramatic, but that is THE GOAL. That is the steps that you have to take to get from point A to point B. And just when you think you are getting to point B, the world (or God himself) wants it another way, and it doesn’t go the way you planned.

Plan is a funny word, because can you really plan anything? I imagine sometimes if I would have passed right away, where E and myself would be today. We might still be in the twin cities. We could be living in that house that we were four days away from closing on. We could already have started our family. Sounds nice,right!?

Could. Might. We will never know.

What I do know is that my blog that I started over three years ago, has captured a lot of our moments; whether trial or tribulation. It started when I felt like I was at rock bottom, and takes me through some of my highest moments. I can look back and see personal growth; one of the most important being my confidence. It never left me, but the world can sure kick a girl when she is already down.

I think I started blogging because I wanted to remind myself that happiness doesn’t mean that everything comes easy. Happiness doesn’t mean that you get everything right away, and sometime you don’t even know what truly makes you the happiest. Planning can only go so far, before the world steps in, fate takes place, and Gods plan runs its course.

What am I all about?

Some tidbits about Kota+Coffee

I may have an addiction slight obsession with coffee, and that love is often expressed in my blog. This relationship started when I was in college–had to keep myself warm during those North Dakota winters!–and now its a full on marriage. Til death do us part.

Speaking of North Dakota! That is where my husband and I live–we will call him E on this blog. Wonder why we live here? And “by force” is not the answer. I was born and raised here, and hopefully my blog will bring some light onto the mysterious state of ND. I will answer a few questions though; people do live here, yes we have modern transportation AND believe it or not we have indoor toilets!

We recently moved to a new town roughly a year ago. Bought a new house. Got a puppy. And just trying to figure it all out. I love to blog about our every day life, antics, adventures, struggles, and wishes. And of course this magic all happens with my best friend, coffee my husband. I have to say that right!?

So grab your morning whatever, and come along for the ride. I love to hear from others and read other blogs!

My heart is still smiling.

Almost two years of marriage later, and my heart is still smiling.

So let me tell you about it.

I came home last night from an evening shift at the hospital. Dear husband is finally back home from his 3 days in MN, and had been asleep for a good few hours. None the less, I was more then excited to crawl into bed and know that he was next to me. However, when I walked in to my dark house, my eyes immediately tried to refocus on some new objects in our kitchen and dining room. I started to grin, and did I grin big. The rug that I had found while shopping with my mom, and had shown to him during a brief shopping trip, had magically found itself below our dining room table. Along with three smaller rugs by the doors.

He spoiled me.

But it didn’t end there.

I then found a Caribou Coffee care package on our kitchen counter. It included k-cups, coffee grounds, and a new mug to drink this deliciousness with. (He knows how much I have missed coffee during this lent season.–only 5 more coffee less mornings!)

He also went a bought two wall decorations that I had found from Pier One. I must add that I only described them one time. I even asked him this morning if he was in cahoots with my mom, because how would he ever have picked them out, but he did. And all by himself.

This morning I woke up to cookies from my mother-in-law that he had brought back, and he brought me back chipotle and it was in the fridge. Seriously!?? How did I get so lucky.

This man is my hero, and not just because he bought me a rug, wall décor, food, or coffee. He knew that I was disappointed that I wasn’t able to go with him this past weekend, and instead he brought me back a few of my favorite things. A rug may not be that exciting to you, but it is to me. It helps make this house our home, and I think that’s part of why I was so happy last night. With every piece that comes into this house, it becomes more and more ours. He is my hero because just having him home, makes our home complete, and it makes me complete.

Tired Momma.

Dog momma that is.

Since the husband has been gone since Thursday, its just been me and the animals. And let us not forget my best friend for the weekend, miss bottle of white wine. Thank God I didn’t give up wine for lent.

Let me state that; I love my dog and I love my cat. They have yet to find the love in each other, but that is a whole other story.

So puppy days can be hard. Really hard. We are 5 months old, probably hit the 50 lb mark, and this dog momma can go a little crazy. Because let’s be real, there is only so many times one person can say “no. come. sit. stay. give.”

I hate to admit this, but I fail miserably every so often and immediately regret overreacting at the situation.  I even crawled into bed after freaking out one time because I disliked how I handled the situation. It’s not Kota’s fault, he doesn’t know better. The 50 lbs doesn’t work in his advantage. He looks like a mature dog, but I have to constantly remind myself that he is still a puppy. He’s still learning, and I don’t want him to ever become afraid of me. I would be so heartbroken if it ever came to that.

I recently talked to a coworker about the frustrations and the guilt that the frustrations can bring, and it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who gets stretched thin with patience. We both have different struggles with our dogs, but we are conscious about our reactions and the desire to change how we might react to situations in the future, to not only help ourselves stay sane but to also teach our pups in a more positive way.

Count to 10. Breathe. He only has us. –this is my motto.

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What do you do to keep the peace between you and your beloved four-legged friend? I would love to hear that I’m not alone in feeling this way, and maybe try some new techniques as well!

Wandering Together.

We recently moved to a new town in North Dakota, Spring of 2013. It was exciting- new places to go and all new people to meet, and at the same time we were both a little nervous. We spent a few Friday and Saturdays just driving around and getting accustomed to where things were. We wandered inside, as well as outside the city limits  just to see all of its views, surroundings, and offerings.

We didn’t know exactly where we would go, or where we would end up, but it was an adventure. We went on all roads from highways to minimum maintenance roads, just to see where it would take us. We preferred the country to the city, and that’s probably why we now live where we do.

I believe great things happen when you do something abnormal to your normal. You learn more about yourself when you are put in situations where you have never been. You rely on others, and in return grow into a better you. How good does it feel when you conquer something all by yourself, or in our case- as a team. It feels great!

That’s what we have done. We moved to a place where we didn’t know anyone. And slowly but surely we gained our footings. And it feels great to have accomplished all we have in just under a year. Here has become our Home, for the time being that is. We may wander again later.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/19/daily-prompt-the-happy-wanderer/

Getting use to the mess.

I took my dog to the V-E-T today. That’s how we talk now. It goes the same for, W-A-L-K or car R-I-D-E, and I think he is catching on to those as well. Anyways, he weighed in at 43.5lbs for a 4.5 month old yellow lab. We are getting BIG, where did my puppy go!? We were finally able to stay still -with the help of a tasty treat just out of nose reach- while the scale calculated his new weight. I was pretty proud.

After the V-E-T, we headed on over to the BarkPark. (He still doesn’t know that one yet!) Although we were all alone for most of the time, we still managed to enjoy ourselves. As I threw the ball and watched Kota run after it (thank you fetch-it) I couldn’t help but remember when I was nervous about getting a dog in the first place.  I mean, isn’t everyone? Your getting a new member of the family, and what happens if you realize that your not a dog person!?

I was so afraid of that. I was afraid that the lifestyle that the dog would need would interfere with the lifestyle that I wanted to live. It’s been a bit of an adjustment once we got Kota. Everything takes just a bit longer, floors don’t stay clean for nearly as long, and there is hair everywhere. At the same time this adjustment has been so good. He keeps us moving; we no longer purge on a Netflix series. We get up and we go!

Being that we are 4 and a half months old, I think we hit some milestones. We are past the infatuation with the toilet paper. We are over the humping phase (halleluiah). And, do I dare jinx myself and say that we have learned what are doggie toys and what are not. Welp-I just did it..

While I can make a very long list about the things that we are still going through-such as, the love of the cat box, the cat itself, attacking the broom/vacuum while trying to clean, working on not jumping up on people, I think I will just make light on the fact that at 4.5 months old, I have a really well tempered dog whose face just melts my heart, and that I really do love.  And whose really going to remember if I had clean or dirty floors?

Were you nervous to get your pet? What were some things that you had to get accustom to once you brought them home?

 

 

Daily Prompt::Linger

You know when you hear an old song on the radio and it instantly takes you back to a specific time and place. You can remember every little detail; where you were, who you were with. For me the word -linger- took me back to when I was a kid at summer camp.

It was one of those moments that you knew that you were exactly where you were suppose to be at that particular time in your life. God placed me there, and it was perfect. I didn’t want to end.

That’s what this prompt did to me; like a song on a radio. Took me back in time.

Here’s the song. Have you heard it?

Hmmm, I want to linger.
Hmmm, A little longer.
Hmmm, A little longer,
Here with you.

Hmmm, It’s such a perfect night.
Hmmm, It doesn’t seem quite right.
Hmmm, That this should be,
My last with you.

Hmmm, And come September,
Hmmm, I will remember,
Hmmm, Our days,
Of friendships true.

Hmmm, And as the years go by,
Hmmm, I’ll think of you and sigh.
Hmmm, This is good night
And not good bye.

Hmmm I want to linger.
Hmmm A little longer.
Hmmm A little longer,
Here with you.

My shaken morning rituals.

Not much coffee is being drank by myself lately. Zero cups in 6 days–to be exact. Not that I’m counting.

Yes- that is one of the few things that this Lent season has brought forth; or more appropriately, removed.

My morning ritual is similar to everyone else’s- wake up, let the dog out, turn on the keurig, and inhale all that deliciousness bundled up into that cup.

It has been going better than I expected. Even this past weekend, when I knew hubby was going to be able to drink his. I was preparing for a weak, moody, and coffee deprived version of myself. Which I have seen a few times in the past few days, but I don’t know if I can blame that entirely on not having my morning coffee.
To be fair, I did replace my morning cup of joe with other stand-ins; such as OJ, Milk, and Tea.

Coffee isn’t necessarily the biggest and best thing that a person can give up, however it is what spoke to me when I was reading an article about Lent. And let me tell you, I kept reading that long list to see if anything else would speak to me, because I did not want to give up my morning coffee. As that day went on, I knew that if I chose to fast on something else, I would be cheating the system, because it would be something easier to go without. Something not as substantial as the relationship between myself and coffee, and the relationship is very real.

Biblical fasting is a withholding of things – good things – that have taken a too-important role in our lives. -SheReadsTruth

As you can see, I love coffee. So much, that it’s in the title of my blog. But, I love God more. And I want to show him that. That is why I decided to give up coffee for lent. Not because coffee takes away my time from the Lord (quite the opposite), but because every morning I can refocus the importance back on God. So He can make me strong, not weak. So He can remove the moody attitude, and fill my heart with joy and peace. So that He can be the caffeine that I crave.

I think the greatest thing about fasting is that every time you want to have that can of pop, box of candy, -or cup of coffee- is that you are reminded why. Why are you doing this? Why are you fasting? And how unsubstantial it really is in the big scheme of what God gave up for us. For me, every morning I am reminded of why I can’t have my cup of coffee, it isn’t a whine, it is more of a thank you to God for the amazing things He had to do, to get me here.